Punxsutawney Phil

Dateline February 2, 2011: Punxsutawney Phil emerged from his Underground Delphi Den to predict the 2011 coming of Spring.
This year the Woodchuck Oracle of Gobbler's Knob advised there would be an early Spring. Despite the eminent blizzard conditions forecast by National Weather Service. A bold prediction indeed.



All of the major news carriers were there to scoop the long awaited event. This year the Minister Marmot of Pennsylvania was asked to advise on other topics important to all Americans. The following are excerpts from Phil's press release.



CNN questioned: Will Illegal Immigration continue to plague the American Borders destroying the American Standard of Living.



Phil answered: The problem would escalate until the Mexicans had all Americans on the Indian Reservation where they belonged. He also advised Rick Sanchez would be hired by Al Jazeera.



FOX News did not attend: Glen Becks responded that Punxsutawney Phil was a follower of the infamous Nazi Leader, Joseph Gerbils.

ABC questioned: Would unemployment numbers fall in 2011.

Phil's answer: No, as long as Americans purchase products from China the unemployment in the USA will worsen. The prosperity in China will continue and share it's wealth with the Pharaoh's of Wall Street Banksters. U.S. retirement accounts will collapse in 2011 under the immense weight of toxic assets dumped on the taxpayers.

NBC questioned: Will there be government mandated Health Care, Banking, Auto Insurance, and Cable Television in 2011.

Phil answered: The tyranny in the US Government will continue to focus on collaborating with Oligopoly Corporate Titans until they reduced the average citizens to total dependency on Government/Corporations and Oligarchy System. All of life's necessities required to pursue Life, Liberty and Pursuit of Happiness will become under control of Government.
Americans will continue their Pursuits of Life, Liberty and Happiness, provided they have filled out the proper paper work, submitted in triplicate to their employers. Those who have not satisfied the demands of the IRS should expect delay.

After employer approval your submission is forwarded to Bureaucrats for final review and official denials. Modeled after the highly socialized Social Surveillance where your money is seized and the benefits are always poverty. In Socialism a tiny benefit is all that's needed to control the masses from revolts. Keeping your money and the peace simultaneously is a difficult task in Oligarchy Government.

Establishing fear, they will live, die, homeless and hungry in the streets without the grace of jobs from Corporations and Welfare from Government. Congress will control who gets state supported college educations grants. Making the graduate indebted to uncontrolled education tuition's. Paying the installments back to the state for decades. Those who don't receive grants will toil in competition with foreign workers in a third world economy of indentured servants. Income taxes will be the burden of the working class and Corporations languish in tax code loopholes carefully crafted to enable only a few.

The Government will replace free markets by imposing mandates of how much a job will pay and who may get theses jobs. Controlling wages through illegal covert immigration, controlled unemployment rates and interest rates. Essentially selling the American Dream through fees, license, regulations and degrees all under direct control of big brother. Uncontrolled Health Care costs will force Americans into unfair charges making the enormous costs of health insurance appear a viable expenditure. We all know the skyrocketing Health Care costs are caused by unregulated employer based insurance bureaucrats, big pharma and Congressional Puppets.