I noticed an article on the Internet regarding columnist Dave Barry's recent experiences at the Airport's Nekid Machine. After you have passed through the metal detector you are the faced with the choices of "Nekid Machine" or "The Man Handled Pat Down" to determine if your a terrorist. Pat could be either male or female. Once you make a selection you may not withdraw from the inspections. If you choose to withdraw you will be arrested and fined $11,000 in court and could face hard time. The fine does not included extra bags charges. No Shit!!
We as a nation thought Check Point Charlie and the Brandenburg Gate were a disgrace. Guess what; they don't wanna see your papers any longer. Due to bureaucratic neglect your Driver' Operators License or SS Card offer no relief from inspections. Homeland Stupidity recognizes anyone can obtain these document either legally or through forgery. If you choose the Nekid Machine (sun screen suggested) you could be kicked out of line if you don't pass on the Green Light Nekid Machine inspection. The Nekid Machine reveals any weapons of mass destruction and your birthday suit.
Dave Barry evidently had a blurred groin area and therefore got the double pleasure and embarrassment of receiving both invasions of privacy. Whether your embarrassed by the disclosure your groin is blurred or proud of the achievement is of personal preference. Could be someone thought Dave was suspicious or maybe really "hot looking"qualifying him for the additional delay.
It's now known if you fail both inspection you now qualify for the full body cavity search. Presumably the inspections are performed by the very best of TSA workers. These highly skilled workers have been thoroughly trained in human cavity search and cleaning BP Gulf Coast Beaches. Either way a complimentary Confessional booth is offered by the Priesthood, after you have cleared the inspections of course. The Priests inform you that wearing white on your wedding day is not approved. I assume after the third option you are either eligible to fly, prison cell or gay marriage. I was just getting accustomed to paper or plastic at the grocery and now I'm asked "Dallas" or "Eternal Damnation"? I'm not a prude or anything but, John Holmes neither.
We as a nation thought Check Point Charlie and the Brandenburg Gate were a disgrace. Guess what; they don't wanna see your papers any longer. Due to bureaucratic neglect your Driver' Operators License or SS Card offer no relief from inspections. Homeland Stupidity recognizes anyone can obtain these document either legally or through forgery. If you choose the Nekid Machine (sun screen suggested) you could be kicked out of line if you don't pass on the Green Light Nekid Machine inspection. The Nekid Machine reveals any weapons of mass destruction and your birthday suit.
Dave Barry evidently had a blurred groin area and therefore got the double pleasure and embarrassment of receiving both invasions of privacy. Whether your embarrassed by the disclosure your groin is blurred or proud of the achievement is of personal preference. Could be someone thought Dave was suspicious or maybe really "hot looking"qualifying him for the additional delay.
It's now known if you fail both inspection you now qualify for the full body cavity search. Presumably the inspections are performed by the very best of TSA workers. These highly skilled workers have been thoroughly trained in human cavity search and cleaning BP Gulf Coast Beaches. Either way a complimentary Confessional booth is offered by the Priesthood, after you have cleared the inspections of course. The Priests inform you that wearing white on your wedding day is not approved. I assume after the third option you are either eligible to fly, prison cell or gay marriage. I was just getting accustomed to paper or plastic at the grocery and now I'm asked "Dallas" or "Eternal Damnation"? I'm not a prude or anything but, John Holmes neither.
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