Terror Alerts---Author Unknown

I received this very funny parody of Homeland Stupidity from a friend in E-mail format. Therefore, we know Homeland has read and forwarded the humor to the FBI and CIA and all other dark operation who spy on the citizens through the Patriot Act.

I found the humor enlightening and wondering what other generations would feel about our current threats compared to those of past generations. Enjoy!!

Subject: International Alert Levels Raised

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent

terrorist threats, and have therefore raised their security level from

"Miffed" to "Peeved".  Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet

again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross".  The English have not been

"A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940, when tea supplies nearly ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody

Nuisance".  The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning

level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

       The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to

"Let's get the Bastards".  They don't have any other levels.  This is

the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for

the last 300 years.

   The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its

terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide"..  The only two higher levels in

France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender".  The rise was precipitated by

a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively

paralyzing the country's military capability.

   Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and

Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing".  Two more levels remain:

"Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".

   The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful

Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs".  They also

have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".

   Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the

only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

   The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to

deploy.  These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new

Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

   Americans meanwhile, and as usual, are carrying out pre-emptive

strikes on all of their allies "just in case".

   Canada doesn't have any alert levels.

   New Zealand has raised its security levels - from "baaa" to

"BAAAA".  Due to continuing defense cutbacks, New Zealand has only one

more level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and

rescue us".

   Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No

worries" to "She'll be alright, mate".  Three more escalation levels

remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this

weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled".  So far no situation has ever

warranted use of the final escalation level.