B o A

Recently I was subpoenaed to court for civil deposition. The Sherriff served me and gave me the subpoena and a check for $7.00 for my trouble. I informed the Sheriff that $7.00 would not cover parking not to mention my compensation for lost wages.

He declared “It’s the law if you fail to appear I will arrest you” Wow, better go or face obstruction charges.

I entered the deposition in a very nice upscale room in a private office building (a bit cold from over worked AC) confronted with four very well dressed attorneys and a extremely attractive court reporter with a convoluted typewriter, the likes such as I’ve never seen.

I was asked to please be seated momentarily. They could not begin as they waited for a colleague who was late. I took this opportunity to inquire, Were all present working for a mere $7.00 dollars? I was relieved to find they in fact received much more compensation than I. The attorney who was late only enriched those hourly attendees who patiently waited his arrival

Still I did not understand the disparaging wage for myself; however it was a step up from jail time.

I answered all questions and was released. Happy to have performed my civic duty I proceeded to the bank to cash my hard-earned compensation

The first thing I noticed was the check was written on 2big2fail Bank their signage had an unmistakable similarity to the Jolly Roger’s Skull and Crossbones found on poison..
I went inside and was surprised at the interior temperature was uncomfortably warm. I thought they must be very green or very cheap or possibly both. I then encountered large service counter with ten teller positions and only three active with one express for exclusive corporate commercial customers which I didn’t qualify. Quite strange I thought for someone had the foresight to recognize the volume needed by designing ten tellers positions, why then would the bank utilize only three. Turns out by creating long lines the bank insures their employees are constantly working constantly shouting next, next, next.

The customer is forced to subsidize the bank by infusing his time to aid the obvious efficiency of the bank. I’m not particularly smart I just had an extensive amount time to figure out how the system works.
I patiently waited in line and for the first time in my life I became somewhat jealous of a handicap woman in a wheel chair. A quick scan of the bank proved she must have brought her own; smart woman!
Inching closer and closer to my destiny through the imposing rat maze with every sharp shout of next I finally confronted a teller. I must say I experienced an unavoidable overwhelming emotion of having won something. I smiled and informed the teller how very glad I was to meet with her. She seemed annoyed at my enthusiasm.

I reflected briefly on a happier commercial advertisement I had recently seen every 15 minutes on television and thought this would not make a very good advertisement at all.

I proudly produced my script and asked for my promised compensation. The teller asked I sign the back along with my inked thumb print as ID and a Driver’s Operator License too boot.

Geese Wally, this is a long way from the old days when the neighborhood grocery would cash government checks.

The teller then asked did I have an account at 2big2fail. I said NO. Wrong answer, as they would demand a $7.00 fee for their trouble. I questioned the seven dollar charges as part of their duty to pay upon demand otherwise the check was worthless... The teller advised I could avoid the charges if I opened an account at 2big2fail. Desperate for my $7.00 dollars I reluctantly agreed to the obvious privateering of my hard earned monies.

More information was now required such as my personal retirement information from Social Security Administration was demanded also name addresses to name a few. Thinking it was little premature to discuss my retirement I provided the teller at 2big2fail demands for personal retirement account information.

Almost there; I opened the account at 2big2fail and requested a counter check for which the teller provided. I then proudly wrote a check for my hard earned $7.00 dollars and promptly returned it to the teller. I was very proud of my business prowess for devising such a scheme.

The teller said I’m sorry sir you account is overdrawn you have an overdraft fee of $35.00 dollars and 2 $7.00 dollar transaction teller service fees: you owe 2big2fail $42.00 or face reprisals on credit reporting information

Defeated I walked out of 2big2fail and recognized the significance of the Jolly Roger signage. I realized everyone I encountered from the Sheriff to the attorneys and the bank employees were paid by the taxpayer for their service. I felt like a cadaver that parasites swarm over to survive. I wondered if possibly John Dillinger launched his career under a similar circumstance. Should I report the seven dollars to the IRS or claim bankruptcy for $42.00.

The next time, I will not accept any checks written on 2big2fail instead I will surrender to the Sheriff ,go directly to jail where the food and healthcare is free and I can at last be an asset to my community.